The Heroine of Proverbs 31 -- PART IV

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates." - Proverbs 31:26-31 NAS

Welcome to the fourth (and final) part of our study! Sorry about the delay and I hope you will find a blessing in this last installment of our study on the Heroine of Proverbs 31.

So grab a coffee or a tea, make yourself comfy, and we'll get right to it!

What I find interesting about these last few verses of our text is that it is like a summary of who this woman is, her identity. Again, you never see in this passage the word perfect. Mrs. Excellent is not perfect, but she takes great care in everything she does.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Notice that it doesn't add only to those of her household. That's something the Lord has been teaching me (among other things--I still need to learn a lot!) this year, how important it is to open our mouth in wisdom and to have "the teaching of kindness on our tongue."

The Bible has a lot to say about the tongue, but here are a few key scriptures to jot down and study:


"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worseless." -- James 1:26 ESV

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." -- Proverbs 15:1 ESV

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." -- Psalm 19:14 ESV

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." -- Ephesians 4:29 ESV


That last one, especially, speaks to the Heroine of Proverbs 31, because the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Our words are for building up, for giving grace to others.

Think back on all the negative things that may have been spoken over you in your life. The way those words left an impact, even scars, that may have been difficult to overcome. Sadly, some people spend years in a painful healing process from having been lashed at with cruel words that have shaped who they are, and wrongfully so.

Now think back on the positive things that have been spoken over you in your life. A teacher who told you you were a budding writer, maybe (someone did that for me the fifth grade, and I never forgot him!). A grandmother who laughed at all your antics and let you know what a delight you were to her. A friend who told you you were beautiful when you felt anything but. A mom or dad who told you that it was okay if you didn't win the game or someone else gained the achievement you wanted, because they were proud of you just for trying and giving it your all. Those are the types of words that also can shape the person that we become.

Words have power. Whether they are spoken or written in social media, words have power. I warn myself as well as you, that we need to be careful. Because every time we speak a word, we represent the Lord. We are His ambassadors. And we always are presented with opportunities to build someone up, to give them grace. That applies to both people in our household and who we come into contact with outside the home.

Moving on...She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her saying, "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all."

Wow! How lovely is that, sisters? While Mrs. Excellent is busy, tending diligently and lovingly to her family and home, not "eating the bread of idleness" because she minds her own business and keeps herself focused on what is good, what has to be  done, her children and husband are praising her. Just to note, I once heard that one scripture paraphrased as, "Many women have done well--but, baby, YOU'RE THE BEST!"

Have you ever noticed the kind words spoken about the deceased during funerals? When my mother and aunt died, I wondered if I had told them enough how much I loved them, how much I appreciated everything they'd done for me and my cousin, Pep, and our little family. There is a beautiful Spanish song by the great Puerto Rican salsa band, El Gran Combo, "Que Me Lo Den en Vida" (Translation: "That They Give it to Me in Life"). The song talks about exactly what is being said here. There's a part where the singer says, "Don't wait to go to my grave to give me (this affection); don't wait until I die to say sweet things to me; say them now, while I live, while you have me."

It is my prayer that those who you love, those of your household will praise and brag about you to all who will listen! Speak life to your daughters, too. To your daughters-in-law, to your sons, to your baby while he or she is still in the womb, because the unborn child hears their mother's voice and already builds a connection with her. Because loving words are good for all of us. God knows that, and it is pleasing to Him--truly, it brings Him glory!--when we express our love and appreciation for each other.

And finally, these words: Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

The King of Kings is looking for you. You are the creation of His hands. This is who He meant you to be: a woman who fears the Lord. Though we all have different talents, different careers or life paths, when we know the Lord as our Savior, Redeemer and Friend, this is His will for us, that we will be women who fear Him and walk with Him. He's not looking for youth or a sparkling personality or flawless beauty. All of those things, over time, fade. God doesn't care what label is on your clothes or what college degree you may or may not have. He cares about who you are in Him, that you belong to Him, and that your life is hidden in Him. You are beautiful and you are unique in His eyes.

Closing prayer: Gracious Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word, which is eternal. Thank you for the picture painted in Proverbs 31. You know that it is difficult sometimes and You know everything I go through, but I stand on Your promise that with You, nothing is impossible. Thank You for my life, exactly as it is. Please protect and guide my loved ones and shine Your light through me in their lives. Help me to be an example for them. Forgive my shortcomings, Lord, and help me to forgive myself for my mistakes and to take one day at a time in Your will for me. Thank You for every opportunity that You present in my life for You to be glorified through everything I do, and that no act of love is small or insignificant. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.


To view or review Part III of the Heroine of Proverbs 31, click here.

To view or review Part II of the Heroine of Proverbs 31, click here.

To view or review Part I ofthe Heroine of Proverbs 31, click here.

The Heroine of Proverbs 31 -- PART III

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. - Proverbs 31:23-25 NAS

Welcome back to our study of the Heroine of Proverbs31! You know, when I first began, I envisioned it being in three parts. However, there's so much to cover, and I'd rather we savor these verses together, reflecting on them and savoring them. Why rush through God's Word? So I've decided there will be a Part IV.

That said...let's begin!

Her husband is known in the gates,when he sits among the elders of the land. Since Proverbs 31 focuses more on Mrs. Excellent, there's not a lot written about Mr. Excellent here, but it is understood that he is known and respected. While he is tending to his business, his wife is tending to hers.

This is a simple passage within the text, but one that says a lot about the Excellent Wife. The husband has his role and the wife has hers, and you can almost put them into a modern context, seeing them at the dinner table, each discussing their day.

She works independently of Mr. Excellent, and yet they have the common goal of caring for each other and the rest of the family. (Of course, some husbands and wives may work together, as in a family business. Even then, they each have their own roles in which they work.)

Mrs. Excellent doesn't only tend the house and care for the children. That's true of the stay-at-home mom, too. She may not have a 9-to-5 job like the working mother, but she may have a little part-time at the mall or freelance work, or even her own small business, that contributes to the finances of the household, or she volunteers at church or within the community. Some Mrs. Excellents are similarly busy with being a caretaker for a special needs child or an elderly parent. In other words, there are a lot of facets to the Heroine of Proverbs 31. She and her husband are one, yes, but she has her own, God-given identity, as well. And she puts into practice Ecclesiastes 9:10, which says, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."

The Lord God has given each and every one of us not only a purpose, but also a talent, a gift, or a passion. You may be saying, "Not me! I think God forgot me when it came to handing out talents."

This is a good time to interject that our Father, the One who created us, who knew us even when we were in our mother's womb, never forgets His own. He never forgets, period! His memory is impeccable. The discussion of personal gits and talents is a great topic for another study, but here are a few things that God's Word has to say about work in general:

* "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." - Colossians 3:23 NAS

* "So built we the wall; and all the wall was joined together unto the half thereof; for the people had a mind to work." - Nehemiah 4:6 KJV

* "For the laborer deserves his wages." - Luke 10:7  ESV

* "Morever, that every man that eats and drinks sees good in all his labor--it is the gift of God." - Ecclesiastes 3:13 NAS


She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen.

Mrs. Excellent is certain of her talent because she puts it to use. Besides creating beautiful originals for her husband, children, herself, and the rest of her household, she makes fine garments and belts that she then sells "to the tradesmen." Now that is an enterprising lady! No wonder she burns the midnight oil. You can almost see her sitting and getting lost in her work at night, with her husband asking, "Honey, you comin' to bed?" She replies, "Oh, babe, I've got an order from the tradesmen for these to fill in the morning. Give me ten more minutes!"

The tradesmen rely on her. They give her their business. Notice how this is in direct contrast to the world's claim that the Bible teaches oppression against women. The tradesmen see that the Heroine of Proverbs 31 does good work. That she's reliable, she's honest, she's pleasant and professional in all her dealings. She takes pride in her work.

That describes a lot of women that I know. Maybe they don't know what their talent is yet, or they aren't doing a job connected to whatever true creative passion God has given them. Take heart--maybe the time and the opportunity for that hasn't been presented yet. That doesn't mean it won't.

Nevertheless, a real-life Mrs. Excellent does good work. She is reliable. She is honest. She is pleasant and professional in all her dealings. She takes pride in the work that her hand has found to do. She works as if her boss is the Lord and not man.

Because strength and dignity are her clothing, she is like Mrs. Excellent. She smiles at the future.

First, what a lovely thing to be said about you! "Because strength and dignity are your clothing." My mother came  to the U.S. from Cuba with only a third-grade education. When she and my dad divorced, she went to work as a housekeeper in a hospital. To the human eye, her clothing was a dull, blue uniform, with plain, padded white shoes. In God's eyes, and in mine as someone blessed to have been her daughter, strength and dignity were her clothing.

That is the way God sees us, because unlike man, who looks at the outside, God looks upon the heart.

And she smiles at the future.

Do you smile at the future? A better question is, who holds your future in His hand? And not only yours, but the future of your loved ones?

These are very desperate times in which we live. We don't know what's going to happen from one day to the next. We're not even promised tomorrow.

A woman was on her way to work recently. Expecting that day to be just like any other, she said goodbye to her family that morning and went off to work. Through circumstances that have yet to be explained, a train came barreling into the station at a horrifying speed, coming off of the tracks and onto the platform. That young woman was killed instantly.

That is a heartbreaking tragedy. When we hear stories like that, it has a way of putting things into perspective for us. We all want to come home and get to do, once more, those simple things that we often take for granted: Kiss our husband hello, make dinner, hug our children. When we hear about these things, what is truly important in this life becomes crystal clear.

It is natural and human to worry about the future. Yet we can rest in that, "Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." (Proverbs 23:17-18) And "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

When we walk with our sweet Savior, when our hand is firmly planted in His, we know that we can smile at the future. No matter what happens in our lives, He has promise to never--never, never--leave us nor forsake us.

And His Word is true and faithful.

To read or review Part IV of the Heroine of Proverbs 31, click here.

To view or review Part II of the Heroine of Proverbs 31, click here.

To review or review Part I of the Heroine of Proverbs 31,click here.

The Heroine of Proverbs 31 -- PART I

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She also does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard." Proverbs 31:10-16

Okay, ladies, let's be honest: Taking that first verse, "An excellent wife, who can find?", what picture comes to mind?

First, please allow yourself a sigh of relief. We're not looking for society's--especially not Hollywood's--version of The Excellent Wife. That lady eats a leaf of lettuce for breakfast, one for lunch, and one for dinner. She wears pearls while she vacuums, drives a late-model minivan to take the kids to soccer practice, always looks like she stepped off the set of Desperate Housewives, and is secretly always seeking to "find herself."

Let's forget that picture. Let's go instead for the one painted by the author of Proverbs 31, King Lemuel of Israel. He does a wonderful job of painting a portrait of her for us, the woman who is excellent in God's eyes.

Now, before we even get started, note that she is the excellent wife. Strong's Concordance translates that word to chayil in the original Hebrew, and the word in English translates to strength, ability, efficiency, wealth, force, army.

Nowhere do we find the word perfect in there.

So we can rule out what she's not. She doesn't always have her hair and makeup done. She runs out in jeans and has a Mets (Yankees? Jets? Panthers?) T-shirt to the supermarket because she forgot the cheese for the mac & cheese. She smudges her nail polish, forgets to charge her cell, and has the occasional argument with That Excellent Husband of hers!

Incidentally, Mr Excellent isn't perfect, either. Yet these two share a relationship that is grounded in faith, trust, and mutual respect for each other.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Further on in our text, it speaks of her relationship with her children, her servants, and other people in her life. First and foremost, though, is her relationship with her husband.

I'm now at that age where my kids have kids. Our two lovable little boys, Joey and Brandon, grew up to be wonderful young men. They moved out, married to two lovable young women, and have kids and homes of their own.

That leaves my husband, Bill, and I back to Square One: Just him and me, alone in this house (that eventually will be downsized, we hope, for a little ranch).

That's a dangerous time for some marriages. A husband and wife sometimes spend so much of their time, along the way, pouring themselves into careers and the kids, that they dread the Empty Nest chapter of their lives. Many couples find themselves almost to be strangers once the dreams have been chased and the children have moved out.

Yet Mrs. Excellent "does him good all the days of her life." Listen, I know that marriage isn't always a romance novel. Still, 1 Corinthians 16:14 tells us to, "Let all that you do be done in love." We also have a promise straight from the Lord, who said, "For where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20 NIV)

The woman in Proverbs 31 applies those principles in all that she does. "She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens."

Before you tell me, "All right, now that's where it gets tough!" Hey--that is the Christian wife and mother. He may be the head of the home, but you are the heart of the home. The heroine of Proverbs 31 knows she is needed. That her home doesn't run quite the same without her, even if she is a working mom and wears even more hats. She also understands that her work, what she does for her husband and family, is of value. That what she does is important to her loved ones.

And, sisters, God takes pleasure and He honors those things that you do every day. God is glorified in those things that you may take for granted, that at times we all may do grudgingly. The Lord is glorified all the little things: in the dusting and the grocery shopping; the picking up of children from daycare; the straightening up of the living room; the tending to pets; the posting of masterpieces drawn with crayon and posted with magnets on a refrigerator; the times that we work late and come home from our jobs, serving take-out pizza to a hungry family for dinner.

He is glorified in the driving of an aging parent to the doctor, since many of us are in "the sandwich generation," where we are taking care of children and elderly parents. He is glorified in the washing and folding of our loved ones' clothes.

He sees everything we do. Not one act of love that we do, however small or mundane, goes unnoticed by our Heavenly Father.

Jesus knows, personally, the Proverbs 31 Woman in your home. You are known and you are noticed and you are appreciated by that Heart.

For Part II of The Heroine of Proverbs 31, please click here.